Family

Part of being adopted is realizing that families are created in so many different ways. Perfect example is Thomas Beatie. Beatie gave birth to his daughter around this time last year, Beatie has since then given birth to a boy. My desire to have a family came at a really young age. In fact I distinctly remember asking my Mom for my OWN baby when I was like 6 years old. (Ok no I'm not normal) I mean but how cute is that??? I love kids. One of the difficult things about transitioning is that kids always do a double take when they see me, depending on their age they either stare or ask plain & simply "are you a boy or a girl?" I've even had a little toddler stare at me & then point out "BOY!!" And while I thought this was simply adorable, it is hard for me to talk to little kids because I always feel slightly uncomfortable, while they are innocently prying at what gender I am as does society, I am just trying to be me. There is nothing wrong with what they are doing, its just that it can be a little ahem awwkwaard for me.

Another thing I do is stare at babies when I am out in the city walking around, as I do with dogs. Most of the time I will get strange looks from both Mother & baby when I do said activity. Other times people will sit and talk to me and go so far as to push their babies hand towards mine in a playful manner realizing that I am female and "playing" with me. This always touches me. Its not easy being a parent. I know this.

I guess I'm just at that age...my friends are starting to have kids, even my baby cousin the youngest of the family is now driving! I always knew I'd grow up & have kids. Now that I'm finally here, it seems like its in the distance, always beyond some horizon that I can't seem to get to. Thats ok with me, to be perfectly honest, I don't know that I would be a very good Mommy right now anyway.

That is until somebody gave me some good advice. It was my Psychiatrist actually. I was telling her how I was going to pursue T until I was satisfied with its results, always knowing that I could stop whenever I chose to, and that I wanted to do it safely and healthily so that in the incident that I was not married, did not have a partner to carry my baby that I could one day give birth. I wanted, still want that option. Testosterone changes the effects of your body and stops your period. Therefore the chances of having a child lessen. After hearing all this my Doctor mentioned to me (she is an older Spanish lady) looked at me and told me how she got pregnant very late in life, she is past the age of 40 and had both of her children back to back when most Doctors told her she was lucky to have even one child healthy at all. "Don't wait too long" she said. "Having a baby isn't about how much money you have in the bank, or establishing the perfect career." (Both of my excuses for not being knocked up. Oh and the little fact of being minus sperm) "It is about wanting to care for a child." Maybe you won't wait until you are 40, I think 35 is a good age." There we go, a little bit more of unsolicited advice. I have to say I walked out feeling kind of, I dunno hopeful.

Where might all this be coming from you might ask? Well its kind of silly but it came from an article I read last year on a review for Harry Potter, the writer commented on how he couldn't wait until his kid was old enough to understand the books so he could read all of them together. Ahhhhh that sounds nice. Don't you think I'd look cute with a snuggly and a little ball of hair poking out of the top? I mean a baby folks.

Peace & love,
Jean